| FearsI feel really stupid posting a blog on Xanga about my feelings.
Something about that just isn't "Cool" or "Scene" enough. Apparently.
Well thank God I'm not a scene kid. And thank God I don't expect you to care. I just need to get this off my chest.
Fear Number One: Abandonment
I have massive Abandonment problems. I don't even know why. I just
don't want to leave people because I know by the time I get back
they'll be long gone. I hate being alone more than anything in the
world. People need to throw me in a large room with loud music, tons of
people, and bright lights. I'll be in heaven. But if you throw me in an
empty room with no one and no iPod or cell phone. I'll go bat-shit
crazy.
Which leads to fear Number 2: Suicide
If a friend/Lover/random person that I know kills them self I will break
down. My mind will just shut down and I'll curl up on the ground, or
I'll just simply pass out. And when I wake up I'll freak out so badly
it wont even be funny.
How silly I am:
This one time I met a guy [He was alot older than me, his wife works
with my mom] and we talked for a long time. He was very smart, but I
could tell something was wrong, so I told him that he shouldn't be
unhappy, and he shouldn't blame himself for being unhappy, a couple
months later I found out he killed himself. I only talked to him once
but I freaked out so bad that two hours later I couldn't pull myself
together enough to go to Fred Myers. So seriously kids, Don't kill
yourself.
Fear Number Three: Being alone in the dark
Bad things happen to little girls alone in the dark. No Joke. If you were to put me alone in a forest and told me that if I just walked a half a mile through the forest and then I'd be in a city at a party. And there was no way out of it but to walk. I'd Stab myself to death with a branch. I hate Forests in the dark. With friends their still scary but not too bad. But alone they're HORRIBLE. If I did survive that it'd either be because I ran so fast that I'd pass out from exhaustion when I got there. Or you'd find me high up in a tree sobbing.
In fact. Talking about this right now is making me very dizzy.
Fear Number four: Friends being in pain.
I don't care about myself being in pain. But seriously. When my friends are in pain I'll do ANYTHING to make them feel better.
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| Left out.And all alone.
Filled with a world full of fakes.
I don't want them.
But I don't want to be alone.
I'm being left out all the time.
I'm just the odd-girl-out.
And let's all pray for the best but assume the worst. <3
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| I'm so filllthhhyyy bbbyyy...... Clean me up. :o
Anywho.
Today was wet. And cold. And I wish I lived in Mexico where it is wet and warm.
Ooooh wet and warrrrrmmmm. :O
Anywho.
I watched "Steel magnolias" The play at some highschool. And I thought it would suck.
But it was pretty damn raddd actually. :D
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| My heart beats like a drum like a drumDum Dum Dum.
This song is Dumb Dumb Dumb.
Lmao.
Okay so I'm sitting here massive bored and ready to go to bed. *Le sigh*
BUT I'm so godamn wired I don't think I can. >_<
And I refuse to go downstairs and pop sleeping pills. I'm quitting that.
Any advice?
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